In Major Gaffe, Bachmann Confuses Ass, Hole in Ground (Borowitz Report)

Michele Bachmann, image via WikipediaMr. Media® Radio Network • Email • Twitter • Facebook • LinkedIn • YouTube

ARIZONA (The Borowitz Report) – In a fledgling campaign that has already produced more than its share of gaffes, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) today confused her ass with a hole in the ground during a campaign swing through Arizona.

Speaking to a group of supporters in Phoenix, Rep. Bachmann raised eyebrows when she said, “It’s great to be here in Arizona, the home of my ass.”

After her comment was greeted with confused murmurs from the crowd, Rep. Bachmann quickly added, “Oh wait, did I say my ass?  I meant the Grand Canyon.”

Click HERE to Keep Reading!
 

Tweet Follow @andelman  Subscribe in a reader

Related articles

• Republicans Propose Replacing Social Security with Groupons (Borowitz Report) (politicaldandruff.blogspot.com)
• Trump Undecided About What Stupid Shit to Say Next (Borowitz Report) (politicaldandruff.blogspot.com)
• 2012 Election Cancelled; Obama Buoyed by 100 Percent Approval Rating (Borowitz Report) (politicaldandruff.blogspot.com)
• Letterman Invites Michele Bachmann On His Show: 'If You're Not Coming To See Us, Historically You're A Loser' (thenewspundit.com)
• Michele Bachmann Kicks Off Campaign By Comparing Herself To A Serial Killer [Video] (jezebel.com)
• Michele Bachmann compares herself to infamous sodomite, rapist and killer (rt.com)
• Alan Colmes: 'I Wish Chris Wallace Had Not Apologized' To Michele Bachmann (mediaite.com)
• Journalists, Joke Writers and Comedians say "Hot Dog" to Anothony Weiner "Weinergate" Controversy (themoderatevoice.com)
• The 'Queen of the Tea Party' isn't kidding (the1955hudson.com)

Trump Undecided About What Stupid Shit to Say Next (Borowitz Report)

Andy Borowitz, image via WikipediaEmail • Twitter • Facebook • LinkedIn • YouTube

by Andy Borowitz
May 2, 2011

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – With the public’s attention focused on the death of Osama bin Laden, billionaire Donald Trump huddled with advisors for the second straight day to try to decide what stupid shit to say next.

“The bin Laden thing has definitely stolen the headlines from Donald,” said close associate and advisor Tracy Klugian.  “The only way he can grab them back is by doing what he does best: saying something really fucked up.”

Trump’s two-day hiatus from spewing messed up shit is the longest on record, experts say, adding to the pressure on the billionaire to break his silence with something truly craptastic.

Click HERE to Keep Reading!

Tweet

Related articles

• 2012 Election Cancelled; Obama Buoyed by 100 Percent Approval Rating (Borowitz Report) (politicaldandruff.blogspot.com)
• Osama Bin Laden's death is huge political victory for President Obama, and great moment for U.S. (New York Daily News) (politicaldandruff.blogspot.com)
• Donald Trump On Osama Bin Laden: 'I Hope He Really Suffered A Lot' (huffingtonpost.com)
• Robert L. Borosage: The Osama Fallout: Be Careful What You Wish For (huffingtonpost.com)
• Osama Dead/Trump News (blahx32.wordpress.com)

2012 Election Cancelled; Obama Buoyed by 100 Percent Approval Rating (Borowitz Report)

Barack Obama, image by Getty Images via @daylifeEmail • Twitter • Facebook • LinkedIn • YouTube

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In what historians are calling an unprecedented development in American politics, both major parties decided today to cancel the 2012 election.

The decision to scrap the 2012 contest came on the heels of a new poll showing President Barack Obama with an approval rating of one hundred percent, believed to be a record high for an American president.

Mr. Obama even polled well among Republicans, with a majority of GOP voters agreeing with the statement, “I no longer care that he wasn’t born here.”

The new bipartisan spirit sweeping the nation was captured well by House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), who tearfully told reporters, “This is a great day for America… oh, leave me alone, goddamn it.”

Click HERE to Keep Reading!


Tweet

Related articles

• Andy Borowitz | Obama Says He Was Falsely Encouraged By Mubarak's Out of Office Autoreply (yubanet.com)
• Obama releases his birth certificate & Twitter reacts... (shannonturlington.com)
• GOP: Obama 2012 Like Bush 1992 (observer.com)
• Resurrecting the 2008 coalition and the Obama re-elect (dailykos.com)
• President Obama Vs. Donald Trump? (yagyrlr.wordpress.com)

Bush Publishes ‘I Can Has Prezidensy’ (Borowitz Report)

Cover of George W. BushThe Borowitz Report has obtained an advance copy of former President George W. Bush’s memoir, entitled I Can Has Prezidensy.  Here are some highlights:

– The book contains a “Where’s Waldo?” foldout section with WMDs.

– Bush says the biggest disappointment of his eight years in office was learning there was no Santa Claus

– The book’s appendix includes a series of connect-the-dot drawings Bush was unable to complete

– Bush on the unfinished business of his Presidency: “I never did learn how that neat story about the goat ended.”

Click HERE to Keep Reading!

Related articles

• In NBC Interview, Bush Calls Kanye's On-Air Insult Worst Moment of Presidency (Media Mob) (politicaldandruff.blogspot.com)
• George W. Bush Tells Matt Lauer About The Grisly Experience That Turned Him Pro-Life (mediaite.com)
• "Washington - Memoir: Bush Considered Attacking Syrian Compound" and related posts (vosizneias.com)
• Bush: Cheney angry Bush did not pardon Libby (sfgate.com)
• George Bush, Re-entering the Spotlight With Lauer, Oprah, Limbaugh Interviews (politicsdaily.com)

Three Things to Remember on Election Day (Borowitz Report)

As you head to the polls today, please keep these three things in mind:

1)   Don’t be intimidated by electronic voting machines.  There are simple instructions in English, Spanish, and Tea Party.

2)   Your vote is precious.  Politicians have spent billions trying to buy it.

Click HERE to Read #3!

Rabid Dog Briefly Mistaken for Tea Party Candidate (Borowitz Report)

Receives Standing Ovation at Missouri Rally

JEFFERSON CITY, MO (The Borowitz Report) – A rabid Doberman Pinscher jumped on stage at a Tea Party rally in Missouri on Labor Day and barked at the crowd for nearly twenty minutes before people realized he was not a candidate.

The dog, later identified by its owner as “Mister Buster,” held the crowd spellbound as he barked, growled, and frothed at the mouth, eventually receiving a standing ovation for his exertions.

Click HERE to Keep Reading!

Related articles by Zemanta

• Andy Borowitz: Snooki: I Don't Know Who Obama Is Either (huffingtonpost.com)
• Andy Borowitz: 70% of Existing Marriages May Already Be Gay (huffingtonpost.com)
• Andy Borowitz: All U.S. Workplaces to be Fitted with Inflatable Slides (huffingtonpost.com)
• Andy Borowitz: USDA Offers Sherrod Authority Over Farmville (huffingtonpost.com)